eHarmony Dating
Dating after you graduate from college can be tricky. You no longer have possible soul mates around you in class. Plus, you will spend most of your time working in your new career with people who the human resources department says you aren’t supposed to date. So what are you supposed to do? Turn to online dating resources like eHarmony.
The famous eHarmony TV commercial with Dr. Neil Clark Warren claims that you will be matched based on 29 dimensions of compatibility. Nobody knows what crazy algorithm they use to create matches, but they do require a great deal of information.
When you sign up for eHarmony you have to answer a questionnaire of what seems like a million questions. They ask you questions about your goals, interests, work life, family life, psychology, etc. The answers require you to rate yourself on a scale.
You also create your own profile including a picture. You can opt not to upload a picture, but 99.9% of potential dates will want to see a picture of you at some point in the communication process. One great feature is that you can set the visibility of your picture. For example, you can allow all potential matches to see your picture right away or wait until open communication.
Once you have waded through all the questions and set up your profile you are ready to go. eHarmony has a search button. Every time I clicked on it I would get a message that they couldn’t find any matches at that time. I believe this was because not many men had signed up for eHarmony in my area. (This was in 2004.) Or else my questionnaire determined that I was a complete freak!
With instant gratification down the toilet, I had to wait for eHarmony to send me matches. After a few days matches started to trickle in. Then the real fun began.
When you get a match eHarmony sends you an email that gives you the name of the potential match and essentially introduces you to each other. You can view their profile. If you think the guy is a total flake or not your type then you can “close” the match. You can close a match at anytime during the process. When you close a match eHarmony has a list of reasons you can state as to why you closed communication. I’m still looking for the “It’s not you, it’s me” reason. Or you can use the reason of “Other” and leave the match wondering what the heck they did wrong.
Both parties have the option of beginning communication. In a nutshell the communication process is a set of multiple choice/open ended questions followed by likes/dislikes followed by open communication email through the eHarmony website. Up until this point your match never knows your last name, email, or phone number.
During the last stage of open communication you can set up a date, give them your real email address, and/or phone number. It’s up to you.
I used eHarmony off and on from 2004 to 2006. I went on about 15 first dates. 13 of those first dates ended right there. So why did those first dates not lead to more? The major problem I found with eHarmony was that we matched “on paper,” but when we met the chemistry was just not there.
Typically, my email inbox would ding with a lovely message that eHarmony had found another match for me to review and wanted to make an introduction. I would eagerly look at the potential guy’s profile. If his profile totally blew me away then I would start the communication process. However, most of the time I waited for the guy to start communication.
We’d answer one another’s multiple choice/open ended questions, likes/dislikes, and then send messages through “open communication.” We’d exchange our real email addresses and send multiple messages. We’d find out that we had similar interests, sense of humor, and background.
Then we’d be brave and set up a time to meet for lunch, dinner, or a drink after work. I would be excited and think that I could be on the next eHarmony commercial. Then I would meet the guy and quickly realize that my 15 minutes of fame was not going to happen anytime soon.
Unfortunately, usually the guy would be attracted to me and I didn’t feel the same or vice versa. Once in awhile there would be no attraction on both parties. This was very frustrating because we seemed like soul mates if you looked at our life resumes. There would also be guys who must have lied on their questionnaire because they acted completely different than what their profile stated.
eHarmony wasn’t a total loss though because the other 2 first dates resulted in a few more dates and a three month relationship. eHarmony is worth a try, but don’t expect it to give you a relationship like the one you see on their TV commercials unless you don’t care about attraction. Plus, the 29 dimension questionnaire is not fool proof because some people lie on it or give answers of the person they wish to be and not the person that they really are. –Heather
eHarmony - Free Personality Profile
September 8th, 2008
I was an eharmony member for a couple of years. I didn’t have luck with it. One thing that I think they should fix is the way they handle closed matches. They seem to still match active members with closed matches, but they can’t communicate with you and you keep wondering why you don’t get a response. I know this because I closed my membership and I asked them if I could take my profile off of their website. They won’t allow you to do that, stating the reason that it’s less work for you if you want to rejoin. I then asked if they match people with those matches that have closed membership. The girl said “not necessarily.” She wouldn’t give me a straight answer, then it all made sense to me, the reasons you seemed to have matches that either would never respond or would sit in your box forever, maybe they’re closed matches, or ofcourse there is the possibillity that most men are not attracted to me. I guess that could be. Anyway, this website made me feel bad. It was bad for my self esteem. Men seemed flakey and disinterested. Whether or not it was me, I still think p eople should have the option of completely removing their profiles after they’ve closed, and I also think that it’s unfair to still match people with closed members. That’s my experience.
October 24th, 2008
e-harmony is super slow, matches with no pictures, they don’t even give your money back.
You call to customer service and the voice mail is full… all is BS…!!! try every other dating online but please do not waste your money on E-HARMONY…!!!
November 15th, 2008
E-Harmony is a complete waste of time and money. I found people on there are flakey, shallow, and most of the profiles I was matched with weren’t even paying customers (so they didn’t respond). They just couldn’t match me with anyone I was remotely interested in.
I’d recommend anyone to think twice, and to try all the other sites first before throwing a lot of money at E-Harmony.
Watch for the automatic renewal. They’ll bill you for the next month without asking you, then tell you afterwards.
Very sketchy.
December 30th, 2008
I had great success with e-harmony. My first match request for communication turned out to be my last. We had our first date a few days after being matched and got married 11 months later. He had been on it for a while and had a few unsuccesful dates, but all of them turned out to be friends in the end. I recommend it to friends all the time…
February 9th, 2009
Lmao at anyone that is so low in self esteem or otherwise deficient of looks,body,etc that they have to utilize some lame web site to find “love”…. Look people do not be so lame…. Go out and socialize like the rest of the people in world! Lol have you ever thought that only reason these women and men are even on some lame web service like E Harmony is because they are wholly failing to find someone in real time and that reason is…..????? Do you really want everyone elses rejects?
May 19th, 2009
I’ve been thinking about trying a dating website and have been shopping around to find where to best put my money. I appreciate the comments as well as the posted reviews online. It helps me out a bunch so I’m not just wasting my time.
And FYI, Tod M, not all people who sign up for dating websites have low self-esteem. I happen to not have time to go out all over creation and “meet” people. My day is consumed with minutely boring chores of cleaning house and going grocery shopping. I also work hours that are inconvenient for going out until around 1AM in the morning. Plus, I don’t enjoy large crowds of creepy males rubbing up against me at any point in the evening, so I guess that rules out bars and clubs. I like intimacy and I especially like a home cooked meal with a movie in the privacy of my home.
So, I really think it has to deal with more people like myself who are just looking to see what’s out there and are completely clueless as to where to meet others of the opposite sex after college.
=)